It has been almost TEN months since I have been home, in Canada. I am still in shock that is has been that long. If you saw my post a few weeks ago on Instagram, you know a little of how it has been. There has been many ups, and many more downs, it seems. And today, I want to share with you all that has been going on, and how I have moved past it.
Since I was 19; I have lived in Belleville, Calgary, Virginia, Angola, Ottawa, Toronto, and Romania. I have traveled to other places in between those, and have mostly lived in cities. Although I grew up in a small town, I spent my adult years, thus far, in the city. Fast paced, always people around you, and always something to do. I have had a lot of new, and a lot of adventure. Then I moved home ….
To say it was an adjustment would be an understatement. It was not only adjusting to being home (literally my parents house, although I have moved out now), it was back to a small (ish) town, back to where I grew up, stores closing at 8/9, slow drivers, few young people, and being the new person, once again. Those around me (my family), had their own lives. Although, I had a job, outside of that, there was not much. Not to sound depressing here, but that is how I felt. I.was.miserable. Was being the key word in that sentence.
Absolutely, there has been a LOT of adjustment. I have had countless hours of crying, and asking God “why have you brought me here!”, have had to develop a life outside of my family, accept my new reality, and start enjoying the life I have here, rather than wishing “what used to be”. And let me tell you, coming to terms with this reality has taken time. I never thought the adventure of being home, would be one of the biggest ones I have had.
While on my road trip to Boston, I had this awesome conversation with God, about my being home. I had this realization, that my being miserable, was actually a lot my own fault. Yes, my life is now different, and yes, it has been an adjustment, but that does not mean bad.
I am a firm believer that God has a plan. He knows what he is doing, and he sees the big picture. Sometimes God asks us to do things that are not always easy. I know it is crazy that living in the town where I grew up, with all my family around is something that was hard. But that was not the hard part. It was coming back to nothing. Not being able to easily travel here and there. Being in one place, and not having a trip planned in the near future. Not having all my friends nearby, and the hustle bustle of the always-something-to-do city.
However, perspective, and attitude change everything. And I was totally bonked on the head with that truth. Walking around feeling sorry for myself. Being miserable, and down all the time. Knowing, without a doubt, that THIS is a the place where I am to be, and yet, doing that with a very ungrateful heart. And then it changed, and boy did it need to.
God showed me that HE has asked me to be here, but it is my choice how I do that. I can do that with a grateful heart, or an ungrateful one. I can do that joyfully, or miserably. And I am NOW, not at first, choosing to do it joyfully. That does not mean every day has been perfect, but that I am in a place where I am finding the good. Yes, I still miss a lot of things about living in cities. Yes, my life looks a LOT different than it once did, but it is STILL good.
And lately, let me tell you, things have been happening, and I have done absolutely nothing to make them happen. In October, I had a HUGE heart change, and now two months later God has been bringing opportunity that I was not even looking for. I have, in the last two weeks, had THREE different people approach me about jobs. The crazy thing is I have been asking God “what is next” for me, but not actively looking, because I love my current job. However, I have accepted two new positions. One is a chiropractor office, and one online. I will still continue my job as a server, but take on these other jobs to make up the difference in hours.
It is crazy how God works. Sometimes He is just waiting for us to trust him, and be grateful for what we DO have. It is very cool to see God work, and bring these opportunities in my life. He has proven to me time and time again how faithful He is, and He did it again.
And on the topic of adjustments, Tucker has been a HUGE, interesting, and fun addition to my life, and I will share ALL about that next time 🙂